Yoga, thank you for bringing me home.
My yoga practice has become one of the most enjoyable practices as it has become my practice of returning home to mySelf.
Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self.
- The Bhagavad Gita
One positive thing that came from quarantine is a consistent and joyful yoga practice. Practicing every day alone in my own space, my bedroom and on my Lululemon mat, notions I know, but well worth every cent! No slip. My downward dog never looked so good! The more I practice yoga, the more I look forward to the practice, the practice of coming home.
Sometimes my Ego self resents the people around me when I feel they don’t ‘show up’ for me or fail to meet my needs, soothe and comfort me, or simply love me the way I need to be loved. If unchecked, this resentment, which once began as a thought, a shitty, low vibration and false thought (they usually are), if unchecked, can fester and grow big and tall, taking up way too much space inside of you in this present moment. Imagine something from your past that doesn’t even exist anymore impacting your present experiences. But, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees and within I was sprouting branches of hurt, anger and disappointment, to name a few. This is where Ice Cube’s “you better check yourself before you wreck yourself” quote is key! ;)
I felt misunderstood and unimportant and the hurt felt like pangs in my chest. I wrestled with the jagged branches of emotions pushing them down and trying to distract myself with cleaning, reading, listening to music and even speaking it out loud. But the thought kept growing and I searched for meaning, pulling some oracle cards for guidance only to be disappointed when the self-love card jumped out. The laughter from the other room seemed even louder yet further away from my existence, desperately separate.
As usual, surrender is our last final tactic. When we’ve tried all else in attempting to ease our suffering we finally surrender to a source greater than our Ego. In my surrender I rolled out my yoga mat, tied my hair into a messy bun which made me roll my eyes and sigh when I caught a glimpse of the accidental masterpiece in the mirror. I thought “typical. Sure, who am I going to see now in quarantine?” I clicked play and followed one of my favourite restorative yoga videos named ‘Inner Acceptance’. Before quarantine I only ever attended Power or Vinyasa Flow classes in an effort to get a good sweat and burn on. Now, I enjoy mixing it up and have come to cherish Restorative and Yin gentle yoga as part of my practice.
At the end of my asana practice I grabbed a blanket and threw it over me for the much anticipated Savasanah and sank in for the guided meditation to come. My mind wandered throughout, thinking about my chin and how it feels like it’s trying to strangle me, the lack of romance particularly now with the isolation of quarantine and sheer lack of comfort that I crave. I realized in this moment that I could easily continue to blame the people in my life or my current circumstances or I could find what I need now inside mySelf; my true home.
This acknowledgment felt like a gift from the practice of Yoga. For the reason yoga exists on a spiritual plane is to train the body and mind to become aware of our true Self and remember our Truth. My mind became quiet enough to meet my body and allow my soul to express itself. In the moment of presence, of all that Is, I felt the soothing sensations pulsing through my body, nurturing me. The yogi’s guided words felt like a warm hum filling my ears. My breath caused my belly to rise and fall in the delight of life and the soft blanket tickled my skin to the movement.
In the serenity of feeling Oneness, in this fleeting and epic moment, felt like Love. The big Love that enlivens all your senses. Inside I acknowledged that big Love is me. It is all that I Am. The beautiful practice of yoga brought me home to mySelf.
And just like that, with a smile, I rose up from corpse pose, namaste’d to the computer screen and found my phone. A notification lit up my screen with a message from a friend and old lover which read “You have a beautiful soul, I got the privilege to see that :).”