Are You A Seeker?
At Queen Maeve’s Grave, Knocknarea Co. Sligo
When I heard the term seeker {someone who is constantly seeking truth, purpose, meaning} I thought, “ oh, I guess that’s why I am the way I am, I’m a just seeker ” This discovery felt more like a defeat than an ‘ah-ha moment’. To be a seeker for the rest of my life, forever on a desperate search for more, filled me with a sense of despair, like I would never find what I was looking for. Now as I look back, I can see that I was searching, desperately searching, for connection, a sense of belonging and fulfilment - a sense of fulfilment even without all the frills! See, I had the frills, I had created a lovely life for myself in Vancouver. I had a great job, money was good, apartment by the beach, big group of friends, multiple holidays every year... What more could a gal want??
Well, not many people knew but from the age of 24 I suffered with depression. It was on and off for years, then came anxiety and eventually, full blown panic attacks, all within the privacy of my room. I know people say on the outside everything looked great, but of course it did! Life was great, is great. But I couldn’t receive it, the goodness, the is-ness of life. I had days filled with laughter and beauty but mostly I lived in my head, consumed by sheer insecurity. Hindsight is a great thing, but truly when I write this I have so much compassion for that version of me, the ‘seeker’. She was trying so hard, studying all the healing modalities, listening to all the podcasts, reading the self-help books, until one day, it got so bad, that sense of hopelessness, that a friend marched me into a therapist’s office to get help. I had tried many times before but just couldn’t find a therapist who I ‘gelled with’. I was always told, “ah you’re just stressed” or “you’re tired” I even heard “eat meat and you’ll feel better.” Until that fateful day, finally, I found the therapist for me. To be honest, I think she was more of an energy worker than a traditional therapist!
So, my energy healer/angel disguised as a therapist got me to a place where I could see more clearly. I was no longer looking through the lens of depression. But now what? I was still seeking.
Shortly after my therapist said I was ready to leave therapy, I began training in Transformative Energy Work, which helped me unlock abilities to perceive Truth in it’s greatest expression; nature. A whole new world opened to me! Of course this world has always existed, it is ancient and infinite, but it was brand new to me. I just couldn’t see it before, couldn’t feel it through the thick 1000g duck down sleeping bag that was my trauma wrapped all the way around me! I was too caught up swimming in my pain to notice the unconditional love that flowed all around me. I couldn’t see or feel it, let alone receive it! And if by magic, I found myself on Kitsilano Beach, in the freezing cold sea making friends with a consciousness, a water elemental of sorts and a being that would heal my sacral chakra. I call her Blue, but that’s a different story for a different day! I had made my first friend in the unseen realm! Now, it was time to follow the blaring call home to Ireland. I went with the intention to reconnect with the land; the source of this feeling - you might call it love, support, fulfilment, happiness, peace. I call it home.
It’s kind of funny really, I left Ireland depressed blaming the country for everything bad that happened to me and here I was, 7 years later, coming home for the very thing I left in search of! My journey home {home to Ireland, to Mother Earth, to my body, my Self} has brought my desperate search to an exquisite end. I write this today as someone who has dropped the need to be perfect and instead, embrace being human.
Unlock Your Next Level of Abundance
If any of my story resonates with you and our path, my upcoming course, ‘Increase Your Flow of Abundance’ with Goddess Eriu may be for you! Don’t worry - you don’t have to physically move to Ireland or the land of your ancestors to receive the benefits of this course! We will connect deeply to the land of Ireland, Goddess Eriu, Mother Earth and our authentic Selves, from wherever we are in the world all to unlock our next level of abundance and increase our capacity to receive as well as to give. My intention for this course is to support you in becoming even more grounded in who you are and filled with a sense of belonging and a knowing that you are someone who is both loving and loved.